Bringing a new baby into the family is an exciting time, but for your older child(ren) it can feel like a big change—one that might stir up a mix of emotions including excitement, or even jealousy. As a parent, it’s important to guide your child through this transition with care and understanding. By helping them prepare for the arrival of their new sibling, you can ease their worries and set the stage for a strong sibling relationship. Here are some helpful tips for getting your child ready to welcome their new brother or sister.
Let Your Child Be a Part of Your Pregnancy
It can be difficult for young children and toddlers to grasp the idea of welcoming a new sibling. For many children it can be such an abstract concept, difficult for their little brains to fully understand. That’s why it is important to do things to help promote understanding and bonding, even before the new baby arrives. This could look like inviting your child along to your prenatal appointment where they can hear baby’s heartbeat, or letting your child feel your belly when you notice those tiny kicks and movements inside. You could even encourage your child to sing, read, or talk to your bump so the baby can hear their voice. If you have chosen a name for your baby, make sure to use it when you refer to your baby so your child gets used to the fact that this will be a real person.
Talk About Babies
Once your child begins to understand they are gaining a sibling, they may still have the misconception that the baby will arrive ready to play hide and seek, build Legos, and share an ice cream cone, which can lead to big disappointment. It’s important for you to help teach your child about what babies actually do and don’t do. One easy way to teach is by showing them! Pull out some baby pictures from when they were little and talk about how when they were a newborn, they slept a lot, wore diapers, couldn’t talk, and didn’t even sit up on their own yet. But as they’ve grown bigger, they can do so much more, and in time, baby will too. You may want to get a baby doll so you can demonstrate how you will be feeding baby, changing baby’s diapers, and you can even let them practice holding baby and being gentle.
Practice Independence
Before baby arrives, it is a great time to help your child practice some independent activities so they will be able to do more on their own and help out when baby comes. Some things you may want to consider practicing with your child ahead of time are dressing themselves, potty training, and independent play. Just be mindful not to rush them when they aren’t ready and remember that every child develops at their own pace.
Prepare Child for Your Hospital/Birth Center Stay
It can feel a little scary when mom and dad are away at the hospital or birth center, and your child is not in their normal environment. Preparing your child ahead of time with the details of where they will go and who will watch them while you are apart will help your child feel secure, knowing that they will be well taken care of. You may want to let them help you pack the hospital bag or even choose the baby’s coming home outfit. Allowing them to stay with a close family member or friend will help them feel safe and comfortable while you are away.
Include Them in the Transition and Let them Help
To ease the transition with a new baby, here are a few ideas that may help your growing ‘big kid’ feel responsible and included as an important member of the family.
- Have your child pick out a special gift to bring to the baby when they first meet
- Present your child with a big brother/big sister shirt or a small gift “from the baby”
- Celebrate with a birthday cake when you arrive home from the hospital (sure, it’s for the baby, but it’s the big kid who gets to enjoy it)
- Let your child pass out birth announcements to family or their friends at school or daycare
- When visitors come to see the new baby, have your child take the lead in introducing them and showing off their new sibling
- Have them fetch diapers, burp cloths, and other small items for baby
- Let them help prepare bottles or restock the baby’s changing table
- Help them hold their new sibling (with support)
- Let them put on a show for baby, tell her a story, sing to her, or even play peekaboo
- Let them choose your baby’s outfit for the day or pick out jammies for him after his bath
These ideas not only serve to build connections and help your child’s brain associate this time with good things but also show that he is not forgotten or left out.
Dealing With Jealousy or Regression
Regression and jealousy can be a normal part of introducing a new sibling into your family. Your child is used to having your undivided attention and is adjusting to having to share mom and dad. This can take on many forms and looks different from child to child. While some children act out or misbehave, others show regressive behaviors like potty accidents or night waking. As you notice behaviors that are out of the ordinary for your child it may feel frustrating. Here are some ideas that may help reassure your child of your love and restore their confidence that change is okay:
- Praise positive and mature behaviors and ignore the negative. In your child’s mind negative attention is better than no attention.
- Give developmentally appropriate jobs that make your child feel special
- Try to make quality one-on-one time with your child while the baby naps
- Arrange special outings to your child’s favorite places (the park, library, etc.)
- Maintain a consistent bedtime routine. Toddlers and young children especially crave consistency, and this will help them feel safe and secure
- Show your child all the special things they can do that babies can’t
Above all, know that this season is not forever. Soon your child will realize that although your attention divided at times, your love never is.
In conclusion
Welcoming a new baby into the family is a momentous occasion that brings joy and excitement, but it also presents challenges for older children adjusting to their new role as an older sibling. By involving them in the process, addressing their feelings, and encouraging their sense of responsibility and independence, you can help ease the transition and foster a strong sibling bond. The early days may bring some adjustments, but before long, your child will confidently step into their new role in the family, filled with love and affection.
